TW/CW: Sexual Assault, Rape, Self-harm, PTSD
Grammy and Oscar-winning singer Lady Gaga opened up about going through a "total psychotic break" after she was sexually assaulted at the age of 19 in the premiere episode of Oprah and Prince Harry’s Apple TV+ docuseries, 'The Me You Can’t See'.
The New York artist had previously revealed that she was raped by an industry producer when she was starting out in the business. She said this caused post-traumatic stress disorder that she still deals with, even if she says it is now under control.
Here are 5 things that Gaga spoke about in the new documentary
1. Gaga was sexually assaulted at the age of 19 by a producer.
On the show, the singer spoke openly about being raped by a producer she was working with at the time when she was 19.
The Grammy-winning singer said, “I was 19 years old, and I was working in the business, and a producer said to me, ‘Take your clothes off.’ And I said no. And I left, and they told me they were going to burn all of my music.”
Becoming visibly emotional, she continues, “And they didn’t stop. They didn’t stop asking me, and I just froze and I—I don’t even remember.”
2. Gaga was left pregnant at her parents' doorstep by her abuser.
The 35-year-old said she didn't name her abuser because "I do not ever want to face that person again."
Gaga, whose real name is Stefani Germanotta, said that the producer "dropped me off pregnant on a corner by my parents' house," and that she had been "locked away in a studio for months."
3. Gaga was diagnosed with PTSD in the aftermath of the assault.
Then years later, when Gaga began to feel chronic pain, the memories of those painful events were re-triggered, which she says “changed who I was completely.”
The doctor recommended she go to a psychiatrist who told her that she had PTSD, a diagnosis she went public with in 2016.
4. Gaga revealed she had a "total psychotic break" in 2018, caused by the incident.
As a result of the physical pain and trauma she suffered, Gaga recounted she had a "total psychotic break" in 2018.
“First I felt full-on pain, then I went numb,” she recalled.
"I had a total psychotic break and for a couple of years I was not the same girl," Gaga said.
5. Gaga opened up about her self-harming tendencies.
"Even if I have six brilliant months, all it takes is getting triggered once to feel bad. And when I say I feel bad, I mean I want to cut. Think about dying. Wondering if I’m ever going to do it.” the Oscar-winning singer said.
"It's like your brain goes offline and you don't know why no one else is panicking but you're in an ultra state of paranoia," Gaga said.
"It's really a very real thing to feel like there's a black cloud that is following you wherever you go telling you that you're worthless and should die," she continued.
She estimated that it took two and a half years of therapy to get the urge to harm herself under control.
"I learned all the ways to pull myself out of it," she added.
In an interview in 2014, Gaga first told Howard Stern that she had been raped by a producer, who was 20 years her senior, adding that it influenced her 2013 track "Swine".