Camila Cabello posted a note on social media on Sunday about how it feels to be followed by photographers while at the beach. While paparazzi photos of the singer in a bikini spread on the internet on Saturday (April 2), she took a moment to discuss what she goes through when she simply wants to spend time in nature.

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“Every time I’ve gone to this beach club in Miami I get papped – somehow when I check in paps know and get me in my bikini and every time I’ve felt super vulnerable and unprepared,” Camila wrote. “I’ve worn bikinis that were too small and paid no mind to how I looked, then saw pictures online and comments and been so upset.”

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“I reminded myself when it impacted my self-esteem that I was thinking the culture’s thoughts and not my own. A culture who has gotten so used to an image of what a ‘healthy’ woman’s body looks like that is completely not real for a lot of women. Photoshop, restrictive eating, over-exercising, and choosing angles that make our bodies look different than how they are in the moment and in their natural form, when we take a deep breath, when we eat a meal, when we allow waves to tussle us around,” she said.

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“I remind myself of this, listen to podcasts on intuitive eating, follow women who accept their cellulite, stretch marks, bellies, bloating, and weight fluctuations… and still, I’m a single woman in her 20s in the middle of a shit ton of promo and I want to feel like I look ‘good,’” she added.

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“Today I got a new bikini, a whole f—in cute outfit, put lip gloss on, and didn’t eat anything too heavy before going in the OCEAN cause I knew it was gonna be basically a whole photoshoot,” wrote Cabello. “I held my core so tight my abs hurt and didn’t breathe and barely smiled and was so self-conscious of where the paps were the whole time i couldn’t let go and relax and do what we’re meant to do when we go out into nature. I tried to pretend they weren’t there but I couldn’t and I held my breath from my sun chair in the ocean.”

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The “Havana” singer went on to say that she wanted to “go back to feeling like 7 year old myself on the beach” — “happy, silly, breathing, pretending to be a mermaid, FREE.”

“I knew I looked ‘good’ in the pictures and thought I would feel accomplished and yet I’ve never had a worse time at the beach,” Cabello said.

“I’m not yet at the point in my journey where I can not give a f—,” she added.

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Ed Sheeran (“Bam Bam”), Willow (“Psychofreak”), Maria Becerra (“Hasta Los Dientes”), and Yotuel (“Lola”) all appear on Cabello’s upcoming 12-track Familia album.