After staying mum on her affair with Tom Sandoval that sent shockwaves across viewers of Vanderpump Rules, Raquel Leviss has finally opened up and revealed that she blames alcohol, and past heartbreak for her decision to engage in a romantic relationship with her ex-best friend, Ariana Madix’s boyfriend.

Speaking to Real Housewives of New York alum Bethenny Frankel in an interview, the Bravo star, 28, who received intense backlash after her affair with Sandoval was revealed to the public, said, “Looking back now, I can see that I was still healing from a relationship from someone I thought I was going to marry. And in ending that, I still haven’t healed yet.”

In order to ease her pain from the heartbreak, Leviss said that she had been consuming alcohol to get through the tough time as she was filming her show.

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“When I was filming, I was drinking a lot to ease that anxiety and in a reality TV environment, I wasn’t getting that safe space for me to express my emotions in a healthy way,” Leviss said.

Leviss said that she had no plans of returning to the show, post-scandal. “I feel like I’ve been portrayed as the ultimate villain. My mistakes that I’ve made on camera live on forever. And you mentioned something about the addiction of doing reality TV and the way that they always dangle that carrot in front of you, like, ‘Well you need to tell your side of the story otherwise it’s gonna be written for you.’ And that’s terrifying. So, I almost went back, I know just because of that.”

Also Read | Tom Sandoval and Raquel Leviss: Relationship timeline

Leviss chose not to elaborate on what she meant by “almost went back.” Season 11 of the highly popular Bravo show has begun shooting since late June and Leviss has chose not to make an appearance, instead choosing to spend her time in her home state of Arizona.

She revealed post quitting the show, Leviss spent time in a treatment facility to “understand my behaviors.” “My goal was really to get down to the bottom of ‘Ok, why am I choosing men that are unavailable, why do I keep finding myself in unhealthy relationships, what are the things that I need to change about my behavior.”